There is a very memorable speech that Brad Pitt gives as Achilles in the Trojan War cinematic epic, “Troy.”
He speaks on immortality, on how it lies in wait for those who dare to surge beyond fear, beyond despair, beyond the thought of “I cannot do it.”
“Immortality,” he says. “Take it. It’s yours!”
And it appears that the good folk over at KFC seem to have taken this inspirational quest for immortality to heart, launching what initially promised to be one of the most spectacular fastfood innovations known to man: The new KFC Double Down.
This TV commercial inspired me enough to write about it on my food blog some months ago. “At last!” I thought to myself. “A burger that finally understands what it is that us Manly Men need: Protein!”
Here’s how it looks:
And here’s how they described it:
The creation features a dollop of the Colonel’s secret sauce wrapped in a slice of both Pepperjack Cheese and Swiss Cheese, between two slices of bacon and two filets of KFC original recipe chicken that serve as the ‘bread’ of the burger. That’s right – instead of bread, you get breaded chicken. Multiplied by two.
No bread. Just chicken. The unhungry burger for hungry men.
What an amazing concept.
Now, I had been trying my darnedest over the last three days to finally score myself a taste of the KFC Double Down when I heard that KFC had finally decided to offer it to the local Philippine market of strapping, protein-hungry Manly Men such as myself. I confess that my batting average was at 0-for-3; it was sold out across all branches – a fact confirmed via various friends on Twitter to whom I had complained.
And then, I spotted it at KFC along President’s Avenue in BF Homes. It was available. For real.
PhP100 for the a la carte Double Down.
PhP115 inclusive of a beverage.
PhP135 inclusive of a beverage and one Fixin. They suggested coleslaw. I did not disagree.
I did, however, realize that I was a rich man, who happened to have PhP203 in my very luxurious Seiko wallet. And rather than just going Double Down, I decided to go All In.
This is a picture of my custom MDJ Super All In Double Down Gluttony Extravaganza Combo Meal – one KFC Double Down, one regular coleslaw, one regular mashed potatoes, double rice, and a large refreshing glass of Lipton iced tea. That’s the 6 essential Manly Man food groups represented right there.
And so, after months of anticipation, wet dreams, and petition-signing, how did the KFC Double Down actually taste?
In a word: Disappointing.
The chicken patties are literally what you are served in your basic Colonel’s Burger, while the bacon was soggy and almost indiscernible. And I’m not sure what got lost in translation, but the Pepperjack and Swiss cheese promised in KFC’s original advertising copy tasted just like your typical local Eden Cheese Singles.
And most disappointingly, the “Colonel’s Secret Sauce” tasted just like plain old mayo.
But was it filling?
Manly Men don’t demand high artistry in their food; we need substance and size. The KFC Double Down is surprisingly small – despite the multiple Fixins and double rice I accessorized it with, I ended my meal still feeling hungry. It’s no more filling than a standard 1-piece order of fried chicken; I had to get an additional order of Chewy Cheese to satiate my generous appetite. If you have to spend almost PhP300 at KFC to feel full, then it’s probably a sign that you ordered wrong.
KFC’s Double Down promised to be the immortal deity of glory and goodness on the High Holy Pantheon of Dude Food. It’s no more filling than a 1-piece order of fried chicken – and we all know that no true Manly Man worth his collection of Maxim magazine would be caught dead ordering anything less than two pieces of good, wholesome, healthy KFC.
Give it a shot just to satisfy your curiosity, but don’t expect to make a lifelong habit out of it.
In the quest for immortality, KFC’s Double Down comes up way short. It’s a summer night’s fling rather than a lifetime love.
And we all know that when it comes to love, to commitment, to relationship, real Manly Men like you and me are all about the long view.
The unhungry sandwich? More like the unmanly.