Category Archives: Style

Big Men, Tight Pants

Society’s rules for big men:

  1. Big men shouldn’t wear tight pants.
  2. Big men shouldn’t dance.

I’m proud to say I have shattered the first point – although that’s more due to sheer force of will, rather than actually considering such minor details as “does it look good?”

Now Uniqlo’s Shukka Roll contest for their men’s leggings makes me want to twerk my booty and show off what I’ve got on the dance floor. I’ve been doing squats and lunges. I promise I won’t hurt myself.

(Again, I make no promises that it will look good. I’m just saying I can do it.)

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How To Keep Romance Alive In A Gaseous Relationship

Couples in love share everything – secrets, dreams, opinions, and kisses.

One thing they shouldn’t share though? Farts. I mean, seriously. Men are total beasts when it comes to protein. Army Navy’s breakfast burritos are great – how can you go wrong with chorizo, beans, a fried egg, and tons of garlic-fried rice?

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They’re not very friendly to one’s fartal dynamics though. My wife loves me unconditionally, but she literally wakes up in tears in the middle of the night from my gaseous whisperings after chowing down on one of these bad boys.

That’s why I am utterly enamored by this magical brand of underwear, Shreddies, which claims to “kill your fart’s smell and be able to neutralize odors up to 200 times the stinky strength of the average fart.”

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How do they work? Their website says:

Shreddies flatulence-filtering underwear features a ‘Zorflex’ activated carbon back panel that absorbs all flatulence odours. Due to its highly porous nature, the odour vapours become trapped and neutralised by the cloth, which is then reactivated by simply washing the garment.

Zorflex. How awesome is that? It’s the fartal equivalent of Kevlar, only better!

And the best part is, you can’t tell by looking that a dude is prancing flexing around in a pair of Shreddies. They look completely normal from the outside, and have the exciting side effect of compressing one’s grapefruits into a shapely, aerodynamic, yet intimidatingly imposing package. Trust me.

To all this, I say, “challenge accepted.”

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What The HEX? (An MDJ Superstar Review on the HEX Original Watch Band for iPod nano 6G)

This review was originally posted on Technoodling.net, and looks much cooler on their bad-ass black template.

*****

Any technology geek worth his weight in Wired Magazine back issues knows this: The holiest of Holy Grails is the ability to seamlessly integrate the various doodads in one’s arsenal of gadgetry with the day-to-day minutiae of everyday living.

Some devices, such as Apple’s exquisitely-designed, exquisitely-tiny 6th generation iPod nano, need incredibly little effort to achieve this goal. At roughly 1.5-inches and just a hair over 20 grams – roughly the weight of two sachets of ketchup at your neighborhood Jollibee – this sleek anodized aluminum beauty was made to just go with you.

HEX (http://shophex.com), a recent entrant into Apple’s bustling accessory ecosystem with the vision of bringing “glamour to gadgets and substance to style,” believes they can take the iPod nano’s sublime “go-ability” to more joyous – and hopefully even more stylish – heights with its devastatingly cool new offering, the HEX Original watch band, which, as the name suggests, takes your iPod nano off of its precarious perch clipped onto one’s shirt or pants, and places it smack-dab on one’s wrist as a fully-functional watch.

Style Quotient

First things first – if you’re a watch enthusiast who favors the muted elegance of “real” complicated timepieces, then the HEX Original is not a product for you. Molded out of a single piece of premium silicone, it screams with the kitschy “toy watch” aesthetic favoured by today’s hipster crowd. And while available in such discreet colorways as black, white, gray, and even a translucent clear option, the real joy in the HEX lies in color-keying it with one’s iPod nano through its tastier palette options – sky blue, tangerine orange, lime green, racing red, or tulip pink.

I personally tend towards more youthful, sporty watches, so I have no issues with using my HEX-garbed iPod nano as a primary watch. People with more conservative tastes may feel otherwise however, and may want to explore using more subdued options from other designers – or even an ordinary nylon watch strap, if they so wish.

Functionality

It’s as easy as pie to pop one’s iPod into the HEX Original. It literally took me 8 seconds to do it the first time, and I found it to be a perfectly snug fit. They weren’t kidding when they described the watch band as having a “pop-in, pop-out” design. Those are the only four words you’ll ever have to keep in mind as you load it up with your nano.

The silicone sleeve itself sat flush against the nano’s screen, giving me confidence that my diminutive iPod would be well-protected even in the event of a light rainshower or a minor sandstorm – although the manufacturer is very firm in stating that it does not waterproof one’s iPod nano. Scuba divers be warned.

Practically the entire accessibility of one’s iPod nano is preserved, as the HEX is moulded with buttons that line up perfectly with the volume and power buttons on one’s iPod, with no drop in responsiveness. It also orients the iPod’s audio jack in a way that lets you discreetly snake your earphones directly up your shirt or jacket sleeve and out your collar for undercover music-listening pleasure – although lefties will want to wear the watch band with the clasp inverted if they wish to retain the same functionality on their opposite hand.

I did appreciate a thoughtful little touch that HEX invested on this accessory. When not in use, the hole punched out for the audio jack is covered by a silicone flap that seals seamlessly into the body of the watch strap and is held in place by a 1-centimeter nub that actually plugs into the jack, protecting it from infiltration by dust and moisture.

The one thing you do sacrifice however is the accessibility of your iPod’s proprietary 30-pin port, as the HEX’s design leaves it completely obscured. It was a minor inconvenience having to pop my iPod out of the strap every night when I wanted to charge it or update its contents, but given that this isn’t a particularly difficult or time-consuming task, it was an inconvenience I just learned to accept.

Build Quality

To be honest, I did have initial concerns with the build quality of the HEX Original. My first impression as I was taking it out of its box was that it felt very flimsy and light. I had been hoping it would feel sturdier, more substantial. In its virgin form, the watch band felt rather cheap.

The manufacturer however makes it a point to demonstrate the quality and toughness of the premium silicone that they use via a video demonstration. And it’s a convincing argument; as someone who tends to smoke with my arm hanging out of the car’s window as I race down the Skyway on my way to work, I never felt that my iPod nano was in danger of accidentally popping out and smashing against the freeway due to a less-than-perfectly-tailored fit.

Real World Practicality

Ultimately, I needed to road-test the HEX Original watch band under the most strenuous real-world conditions. One thing popped to mind: a three-day span at the gym, to see how it delivered on such practical considerations as comfort, durability, flexibility, non-intrusiveness, and overall “cool factor.”

(This is a product, after all, that includes being “too cool for school” as one of the key attributes on its feature page.)

My initial concern was that unlike traditional iPod arm straps that allow you to tuck it high up on your bicep, relatively out-of-the-way as you flail and stretch away on the treadmill or the bench press, the HEX would be constrictive, blocking the range of motion on my wrists as I sweated it out on the weights section.

This fear turned out to be unfounded. The HEX proved to be completely unobtrusive, although I did have to wear the strap one hole looser so I could slide it slightly higher up my wrist. I hardly felt as if it was there and, with some creative maneuvering of my earphones’ wire up my jersey, found that I could swing my limbs in any direction without having to be wary of disengaging the buds from my ears, or snagging the wire on some equipment. It was a joy being able to take a quick glance at my iPod on my wrist to check the time, or my progress on the nano’s built-in pedometer, instead of having to fumble in my pocket, or contort my neck in awkward positions to view it clipped onto my shirt front. The HEX Original places the iPod nano where it feels most natural and useful – perched on one’s wrist, instantly accessible, instantly controllable.

I even had a couple of fellow gym-goers walk up to me and inquire about my wrist-mounted iPod. The HEX Original watch band is unapologetically eye-catching yet innately practical.

Silicone is, of course, a non-breathable material, unlike other traditional materials that offer a bit more comfort, like neoprene. The obvious drawback was that my wrist felt gummier and sweatier as I progressed through my workout. At the end of my session, I had to take off the watch band to let my wrist “breathe.”

The upside to this is that the HEX Original is easily rinsable in soap and water without fear of spoiling its aesthetics, unlike neoprene armbands that seem to inevitably stretch or fray along their seams after multiple washings, not to mention absorb the stench of sweat and grime on a seemingly permanent basis. Athletes will love this accessory; I could imagine it being used in practically any non-aquatic, non-contact sport, with almost no trade-offs in performance or comfort.

Conclusion

HEX has truly come up with a joyful product that unleashes the 6th generation iPod nano’s potential for fun, while elevating its practicality and functionality to new levels. The vibrantly-colored range of HEX Original watch bands are undeniably cool, and despite a kitschy design aesthetic that may not appeal to all users, are dripping with more personality than most other third-party iPod nano accessories.

The company says they are committed to “bringing glamour to gadgets, and substance to style.” As far as I’m concerned, they have scored a solid slam dunk. Fun, function, fashion, and form – these are things that the HEX Original watch band promises, and even more strongly delivers.

What’s next? Maybe even world peace…


Price/Availability

PhP1,200 at Digital Walker or Digital Hub.

Likes

  • Genuinely “too cool for school” toy watch kitschy aesthetics, although it may be polarizing depending on one’s tastes.
  • Thoughtful engineering that preserves almost the entire functionality of one’s iPod nano, although lefties may need to exercise a bit of creativity.
  • “Pop in, pop out” design makes it completely painless to mount and dismount one’s iPod nano, yet keeps it firmly in place.

Dislikes

  • Build quality may seem flimsy and cheap upon first feel.
  • Premium silicone construction, while tough and resilient, may become progressively more uncomfortable on a humid day.
  • 30-pin port is not accessible when iPod is placed in the watch band.
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Part Two: The Invasion of the Underage Frilly Fashion Diva Princesses

Click here for Part One of MDJ Superstar’s thrilling, purely fictional Manly Man Manifesto adventures as he stood face to face with the unholy army of the Bieber-Gaga cult of teenybopper pop culture!

*****

MDJ Superstar was trapped. He knew there was no escape. He could either help art-direct the fashion pictorial of the freshly-dolled up Fashion Diva Princesses on the gardens facing Bonifacio High Street’s local hell-hole of pink glitter, Club Princess, or he could burn in eternal damnation on the fiery altar of the Cult of Gaga.

“You leave me no choice, foul princesses,” he muttered, as a single perfect tear welled up in his glistening ochre eyes. “With the help of my assistant models, Trixie and Ara, I will elevate you to fashion immortality.”

Off scampered the Fashion Diva Princesses, with MDJ Superstar trudging sadly in their wake. They lined up in the ever-extending ebony shadow of Club Princess, squealing and giggling with nervous eagerness.

The foul pink soldiers of Gaga forming their demonic ranks, with the assistance of professional models Trixie & Ara.

“Alright girls!” exclaimed MDJ Superstar, his fear now swallowed and digested into a more manageable lump of fortitude, “At the count of three, everyone smile, pose, and shout, DIVA!!!”

The girls tossed their be-glittered hair in the wind, with feathered boas whipping ferociously around them like dragon-snakes searching ravenously for their next victim. A pall of anticipation befell them.

MDJ Superstar gathered his breath. In the distance, the shrill call of a lone wolf echoed through a morose sky.

“ONE… TWO… THREE… DIVA!!!”

The assembled ranks of the Underage Frilly Fashion Diva Princesses.

Will you spare me?” MDJ Superstar intoned, his voice rasping slightly. “Will you allow me to go off to do Appropriately Manly Things such as having my car detailed or downloading scintillating pornography at Flesh Asia Daily 3.0?”

“We shall do no such thing,” squealed the horde of Fashion Diva Princesses. “We shall invite you to partake in some chocolate cake, and possibly even chicken fingers with us at TGIFriday’s, and watch us as we do our fashion walk-off on the High Holy Catwalk of Gaga!”

And so off they dashed to the nearby restaurant, filling the bar area with a throng of pink glitter and giggles.

Zarah is shocked at the ferocious torrent of Fashion Diva Princesses who filled the room with their demonic glitter-gear..

Within, a tall, sombre figure of imposing height towered above the crowd of 7-year old’s, her impassive stare reading into the very nooks and crannies of each of their souls. She was Carisse Escueta, and she knew what it meant to be a Fashion Diva Princess too.

Taking charge: Carisse, the High Holy Priestess of Gaga holds court over the Fashion Diva Princesses.

“Alright Fashion Diva Princesses,” she exclaimed, “Everybody line up on stage and get ready to vamp down the red carpet!”

Getting ready to own the catwalk.

A wild cheer emanated from the assembled ranks of the Diva Fashion Princesses. Catwalks and red carpets were completely familiar territory to them. They had, after all, absorbed every single episode of the last 18 seasons of America’s Next Top Model.

And off they vamped. They ramped, and they stamped. The red carpet was their dominion, and each other’s cheers and giggles were their fire.

“All right Divas,” thundered Carisse once the 19-strong contingent had completed its parade. “Let’s get the birthday girl Bea on stage, and we can have her blow out her candles!”

Getting ready to put out the Fashion Flames burning steadily on the Barbie birthday cake.

An uneven chorus of “Happy Birthday To You” broke out, serenading little Bea with love and appreciation. “Happy birthday, dear Bea… Happy birthday to you!”

And like a gracious duchess bidding thanks to a delegation of nobles, Bea mounted the stage with her beautiful, extremely curvaceous mother, and expressed her heart-felt emotions to her fellow Fashion Diva Princesses.

“Thank you so much for coming,” she purred. “I had so much fun, and hope you all did too!”

And swift as a lightning bolt, it was all over, a shower of warm applause washing over the birthday girl as laser-lights traced constellations around her.

“It was all worth it,” thought MDJ Superstar to himself, nodding with a fresh wave of understanding. “These girls live to diva. Viva la diva!”

Far above him, a single, flawless white dove took flight into the air.

Slowly, it sailed higher and higher into the sky, finally vanishing into a sparkling lake of molten gold as the sun beamed serenely down upon 19 newly-minted Fashion Diva Princesses.

World peace, muttered MDJ Superstar to nobody in particular. It was all about world peace.

The Birthday Girl.


*****

This epic two-part extravaganza is dedicated to two of the most perfect, wonderful, beautiful women in my life – the lovely, talented, and extremely voluptuous Zarah Hernaez, and her wonderfully charming little girl, Bea.

Madonna & Child.

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Part One: The Invasion of the Underage Frilly Fashion Diva Princesses

The following is a purely fictional Manly Man Manifesto retelling of the spectacular Fashion Diva party organized by Zarah for the 7th birthday party of her little girl, Bea, at Club Princess on Bonifacio High Street.

*****

“What terrors lie within this festering hellhole lined with glitters and faux fur, and stinking of Melondew and Vanilla?” MDJ Superstar asked himself, as he tentatively nudged open the lime green gates guarding the entrance to the no-man’s-land known as Club Princess.

A lamb about to enter the lion's den.

The intro riff of Justin Bieber‘s Eenie Meenie shattered the air, their Satanic verses casting even more trauma upon MDJ’s already-straining manhood.

“AUGH!!! MY EYES!!!” MDJ screamed, falling to his knees as before him, a parade of fur-trimmed jelly loot bags forming their ranks. They sat menacingly upon the shelves, their gaping jaws lined with the blood of dead glitterkins.

Fur-trimmed lootbags lay in wait, their gaping jaws dripping with the blood of dead glitterkins.

Around him, jewel-colored wigs lined the walls, strange tokens perhaps from the legendary Eastern European War of the Supermodels, in all likelihood ripped from the scalps of Scandinavian fashion models as they lay bleeding to death on leopard-print throw rugs.

Trophies of the hunt.

“Ssssave us…” a trembling spectral whisper beseeched MDJ, as before him, slavering 7-year old Assumptionista girls submitted themselves to strange, unearthly manipulations and hairstyling rituals.

Club Princess torture scars.

MDJ let out an anguished wail, then whirled around in a panicked attempt to escape from the freakish practices surrounding him.

“You cannot leave, Superstar” growled the gaunt, haunted waif of a girl who manifested before him, the electric pink fur of a slaughtered snugglepuff trailing from her claws. “Not until you submit yourself to… the Royal Diva Treatment.”

The Spectral Guardian to Club Princess.

But I cannot do it,” MDJ Superstar screeched. “My abundant pools of testosterone will not allow myself to be prostituted upon the Shrine of Lady Gaga! Just look at the horrors that are being inflicted upon these helpless little girls! The horror, oh, the horror!”

Another victim of the Cult of Gaga.

“Do not mock the Gaga,” intoned the sombre fleet of little girls who had somehow succeeded in barricading our brave, bemuscled Superstar from escaping the softly-perfumed interiors of Club Princess. “We are preparing for… a fashion pictorial.”

The horde of little girls freshly-subjected to the horrors of the Royal Diva Treatment.

You win,” MDJ weakly murmured, his knees melting into a useless mess of potpourri. “I am helpless to resist the combined powers of Arch-Demon Bieber and the Hell Queen Gaga. Where do I begin?”

“Well,” the horde of little diva princesses piped up, “you can help us by organizing our poses for our fashion pictorial!”

“Very well,” sighed MDJ Superstar, his once-proud tenor having devolved into a weak slush of resignation. “You can start by taking your sparkly shades and jeweled boas, then lining up by height outside along Bonifacio High Street.”

The diva princesses preparing for their fashion pictorial posedown.

*****

Did MDJ Superstar survive the hellish ordeal about to be set upon him by the joined forces of the Satanic Bieber-Gaga union? Click here for Part Two, the spine-tingling conclusion of our horrific tale of fashion and frou-frou, only here on MDJSuperstar.com!

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On Homosexuality, Evolution, & Skinny Jeans

Human beings adapt to environmental stimulus; it’s called evolution.

With this in mind, I would like to consider the implications of today’s fashion on the genetics of certain social subcultures.

I believe that 200 years from now, all gay men will have small pee-pees. Why? Because of the way they squeeeeze themselves into such tight pants…

It’s called evolution.

Hipsters, take this as a warning.

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Chuck Taylor Goes Anorexic

I like these new Chuck Taylor All-Star Slims.

Just like with a pair of vintage Bausch & Lomb Aviators or a nice classic Mackintosh coat, I never thought of Chucks as having to need any sort of update. I liked how they lacked any sort of finesse or frou-frouness, and thought of them as the ultimate I-don’t-give-a-fuck pair of footwear.

I’ve had just one pair of Chucks in my entire life, and I swear I’ve never had to have them washed. Ever. They look like a buffalo shat on them, yet strangely that’s where their entire character comes from.

But these Slims are pretty swank. I imagine they’d work much better with today’s slimmer-cut trousers than the classic Chucks do, and could actually coexist with shorts that aren’t made of denim.

I’m sure even Michael Bastian, The High Holy He-God Of All That Is Stylish & Incredibly Expensive, would totally approve.

It’s been a while since I last bought a pair of good sneaks.

I think I see a pair of Slims in my future.

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When Designerwear Nostalgia Gets In The Way of Charity

I tried my best to find clothes for the Typhoon Ondoy victims, I really did, but there was one thing that I just could not let go of.

Polo

My XXL neon yellow Polo Sport shirt purchased from Chapsville.

This is a relic from my high school glory days – when I could imagine I was a Big Man On Campus (which is about as delusional an A-Boy can be), and was on the cutting edge of fashion for once in my life.

I wore it to soirees, I wore it to dates. I wore it to Paeng’s Skybowl every weekend. I wore it to gigs. I was a blinding, beaming beacon of sun-kissed iridescence, and in it I truly shone.

It did serve one practical purpose though – I never did get hit by a car while crossing the street in this wonderful little luminescent piece of couture.

The drivers were probably worried I’d stain their bumpers hideously lemon for all eternity.

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In The Advertising Industry, We Don’t Wear Pants (Part 2)

 

Not to be competitive, but anything Myrrhnalyn can do, us boys can do better.

mdj-in-trunks

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In The Advertising Industry, We Don’t Wear Pants

 

Myrrhnalyn, you’re beautiful, but does your mother know what you wear to work? :O

*covers conservative Jesuit-bred eyes*

Myrrh in Shorts

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